Planet of the Saiyans
by Kinky Typo
Summary: Bulma crash lands on an alien planet, but what's this? The alien's are ...primitive! -- Bulma finds her self in a position that she does NOT want to be in... or does she? Bulma's thin line of sanity is about to snap. Ch. Update!
1. Chapter 1

Warning: This fiction was created by the twisted minds of Pepe Lepew and Kinky Typo. Both of these writers have been notified as highly insane and their stories have been labeled as "outrageously hilarious" and "highly idiotic."  
  
Beware: Characters in this story are entirely.umm.primitive and must be handled with caution. Nudity, profanities, exposure to stupidity, embarrassing sexual situations, saiyan mating calls and rituals, and a ton more of strange things will occur in this story.  
  
Symptoms of Exposure: Outrageous outburst of uncontrollable laughter; laughter so hard that tearing of the eyes may occur. If these symptoms occur, stop reading, take a brake, then continue where you left off. ^ . ^  
  
Disclaimer: Pepe and Typo hold no ownership of any Dragon Ball Z characters, except for Vegeta who's chained to our doghouse outside our home! ^_^ Just joking, we don't hold any ownership over anything other than the story line and the cardboard box we live in! Enjoy!!!  
  
PLANET OF THE SAIYANS  
  
Day One:  
  
The sound of an alarm echoed through the silence of the space pod's bedroom. Bulma lazily began smacking the side table trying to find the damn alarm clock. She groaned not having any success in finding it, so she decided to roll over only to fall face first on the cold tile floor.  
  
"Damn it," Bulma groaned as she hoisted herself up onto her knees. She began to pound her small fist on the alarm clock trying to shut it off but with no luck. As a last resort she ripped the clock from the bedside table and chucked it across the room. The sound of it smashing against the wall was like music to her ears.  
  
"Silence is golden, I have been broken, safe in my own skin so nobody wins." Bulma began to sing to herself as she walked in the bathroom to apply a facial mask. She wrapped a white towel around her hair and began to apply the facial. She hummed to herself as she rubbed the green muck onto her face. 'Boy this trip into outer space has been so boring,' she sighed to herself as she walked back to her bed and lay down. 'There's nothing but stars, more stars, oh and guess what another star! Wow!' She said sarcastically in her mind.  
  
Bulma stood back up and walked to the window to gaze out at the vast emptiness of space. She sighed again as she thought of how long she'd have to be out there for her "research". Just then something caught her eye. A small planet was in her line of sight.  
  
"What? There isn't supposed to be a planet here. It's right in the way of my space pod and I got it on auto-pilot and." All of a sudden the space ship began to shake violently. Books and picture frames fell off the shelves, furniture toppled over and so did Bulma.  
  
"AHHHHH.." Bulma managed to yell as her body collided with the floor. "Oh shit, this sucks monkey nuts!" She yelled as she quickly ran to the main computer.  
  
"WARNING! WARNING! NOW ENTERING PLANETARY ATMOSPERE! PLEASE BUCKLE YOUR SAFETY BELT AND HAVE A NICE DAY, THANK YOU!" The computer's voice repeated over and over again.  
  
"OKAY! I GET THE MESSAGE YOU CAN SHUT UP NOW!!!" The angry blue haired human yelled as she pulled the sash to her robe closer to her body before she sat down into her pilot seat and buckled up.  
  
"Mayday! Mayday! This is Blue Vixen reporting to headquarters! I'm going down on some strange planetary body!" Bulma pressed buttons on the keyboard. "It seems this planet has a breathable atmosphere, regular gravity, and stable living conditions! Please send rescue party as soon as possible!"  
  
Right then the space ship jolted, violently sending Bulma backwards. Her head slammed against the back of the seat, sending her into blissful unconsciousness.  
  
Bulma woke up with a jump. The sound of yelling echoed through the air. 'Yelling?' Bulma thought. She unbuckled her seat belt and stood on wobbly legs. She walked over to the pod door and stood with her ear pressed against the cool metal.  
  
What seemed like yelling a moment ago now was grunts of uh's and ah's. Bulma could hear feet slamming against the ground and then all of a sudden heard the sound of two bodies colliding together. 'Where the hell am I? What the hell is making all that noise?' She thought as more grunts and groans were heard outside the pod. 'Well I'll never learn unless I go see, will I?'  
  
Bulma pulled all the courage she could muster together and pushed the button to open the door. The door hissed open and steam floated out of the overheated joints. As the steam rose she looked out on a group of crouched over men wearing loincloths. She watched as their eyes grew large, and their mouths gaped opened.  
  
"I come in peace." Bulma said as she gave them the peace sign. All of a sudden they broke out into mayhem. They screamed and ran in circles in crazed fear. Bulma winced when she watched two of the men slam into each other. 'They must not be that smart.'  
  
Bulma shook her head in disbelief and a piece of facial mask peeled off. 'That's it! They don't recognize me as a human because I got this crap on my face.' She quickly ran into the pod to her bathroom and washed the mask off. When she reached the door again she noticed that they weren't there. 'Where did they go?'  
  
Bulma walked down the metal ramp in her bare feet, her eyes wandered around her scenery. They were there; she could hear their grunts and snorts. She walked on the dirt of the small clearing that the space pod created. Bulma reached up and pulled the towel off her head and shook her blue hair free.  
  
Grunts and gasps sifted out of the bushes and branches. Bulma turned her head to the directions of the noise to see the primitive men walk out of the woods. Some walked on four legs crouched over like apes, while others moved on two. Most of them were taller than a human all except one. He was around Bulma's size with black hair that seemed to defy gravity as it shot up like a flame. This one man seemed to be the leader since he walked in front of all the others.  
  
The ape-men circled around Bulma. Their black eyes stared at her in awe though they kept crouched in an animalistic stance. Bulma pivoted on her heels, watching them closely. 'Maybe this wasn't a good idea at all to come out here.'  
  
Finally the shorter man approached her cautiously; his eyes bore into hers. He stood tall in front of her, which in fact were only a couple inches taller than she was. Bulma looked away from his piercing stare, it was very unnerving. He began to make a small circle around her and stopped behind her to sniff her neck.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" Bulma growled as she felt his hot breath on her neck. He didn't answer, only continued to smell her. Bulma groaned in aggravation, this interrogation was really starting to piss her off. She was so caught up in her self-bitching that she screamed in surprise when she felt him lick her neck.  
  
"Hey watch it buddy!" Bulma yelled as she swirled around to glare at the offending intruder. She was about to say more but she was cut off when she was dipped backwards. "What the." Bulma grumbled but then she felt her robe fall open and a hot tongue run over one of her nipples.  
  
"AHHHH." She screamed as she slapped the man across the face. His eyes grew wide and he dropped her promptly. She fell on her butt and quickly closed her robe. She felt so violated, 'the nerve of that man.' She looked up and glared at her offender who seemed utterly surprised.  
  
Bulma watched as all the other men surrounded their comrade, the sound of their grunting and snorting was aggravating to her. She watched as a couple of them turned to glance at her before returning into their huddle.  
It had become painfully obvious to Bulma that these people were not human as she watched their monkey like tails swing back and forth behind them. She also took in their spiky hair and massive bulging muscles into context.  
  
"Hey. Hey. HEY!" Bulma yelled trying to get their attention. They all froze and blinked at her. She stood up and began to think of what she was going to say. "Umm.I'm just going to go walk away now, so you can all scamper back to wherever you came from." Bulma turned to go but a strong arm wrapped around her waist, planting her in one place. She looked over her shoulder to see the shorter man holding her to his chest.  
  
Bulma tried to pry his fingers off of her but when that didn't work she started pounding her fist on his massive arm. "Let me go you filthy ape! Let me go!"  
"You're safer with him," A female voice drifted to Bulma's ears. Bulma turned her head to see a woman standing next to a boy. The woman wore an animal skin dress that hung off one shoulder. 'A woman.so there is a god.' Bulma sighed in relief, her body falling limp in the man's strong embrace.  
  
"So you speak Japanese?" Bulma asked the approaching woman. The lady smiled and shook her head, her black hair bouncing with the movement. "Ya, ya I speak Japanese." She said happily.  
  
"Umm.could you tell this guy to let me go?" Bulma asked hopefully. She quickly glanced up to see the man staring down at her with hungry eyes. 'Oh great a horny ape man, how wonderful.' Bulma thought sarcastically.  
  
"No, I can not. He is our prince, no one tells him what to do!" The black haired woman said happily. "Prince Vegeta seems to like you, ya very much. You come with us, we feed you, ya!"  
  
Bulma sighed in defeat; this was going to be a long night. She was lifted up and swung over Prince Vegeta's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Bulma grunted and rested her head in her palm. She watched as the other monkey people followed in a line behind them. They grunted and howled, they pushed and shoved, and when one would stop the one behind them would collide with them. 'How dumb can they get?' "So what name do you own?" The black haired woman asked as she walked behind his royalness.  
  
Bulma rolled her eyes at the question but decided that as long as she had someone to speak to it was okay to have improper sentences. "My name is Bulma. B-U-L-M-A. What's yours?"  
  
"My name is Chichi, that man with the bald head is Nappa, he's second in command, the one with the long hair is Radditz, my mate's brother. My mates name is Kakorot, and this is my son Gohan." She smiled proudly at the young boy now walking beside her. "Oh and the other guys aren't worth knowing," Chichi waved at the mindless apes fighting behind her.  
  
Bulma grunted in displeasure when she felt Vegeta shrug his shoulders to shift her weight. "Damn it Vegeta stop tossing me!" Bulma hissed in his ear, he turned and 'huh'ed at her. She rolled her eyes at him. She then noticed that he was staring at her, his eyes filled with lust. "Oh please! Stop staring at me like I'm a piece of meat!" She yelled at Vegeta. When he didn't stop staring, Bulma decided to change positions.  
  
'Okay I'm gonna' get my ass out of his face now.' Bulma sighed to herself as she twisted her body around so that she was sitting on one of Vegeta's shoulders. She looked down to see that he was STILL looking at her. As soon as she looked back up she saw a LARGE branch right across the small footpath in front of them. "Vegeta! Watch out!!!" WAMM!!!  
  
Bulma's warning hadn't been quick enough for the monkey Prince was closelined. On his way down, Bulma was left dangling on the branch, screaming profanities at the brain-dead monkey creature. "SOME ONE GET ME DOWN RIGHT NOW! I MEAN IT!!!"  
  
Vegeta began to stand up and was about to pick up the wailing woman when Radditz came jogging by and plucked Bulma off the branch. Vegeta glared at Radditz's backside as he bounded away with her in his arms and then dropped her into a circle of hooting and howling monkey men. They were jumping and bounding around the screaming Bulma as they poked her with their pointer fingers. They ran in circles around her hooting and jumping up in the air. Bulma was scared shitless. She screamed out Vegeta's name in terror.  
  
Vegeta turned red with anger. He dropped to all fours and bounded towards them like a gorilla; his chest puffed out and roaring with rage as he charged at the group. He slammed into the group clawing and hissing like a caged lion. The men scattered like bowling pins as Vegeta swatted at them. They then regrouped and bounced back up to him, playfully pawing at him. Vegeta's anger turned to a state of stupidity and playfulness all at once.  
  
Bulma watched in total bewilderment as they began to body-slam each other and hoot with joy, as if it was the coolest thing. Then Vegeta shouted out a series of hoots and grunts, and they all lined up in a bunch. Vegeta ran on all fours back to the tree branch then took a U-turn and bounded towards the group at full speed. The tip of his tongue hung out the corner of his mouth as he charged at his awaiting prey. It was a success! They all scattered and rolled in different directions as Vegeta barreled through them, grinning as the victor.  
  
"Are you okay Bulma?" Chichi asked sincerely as she helped hoist Bulma off the ground. "What the hell are you guys?" Bulma questioned stunned, her large sapphire eyes observing the crash-course of the primate men. She then finally took her eyes off the scene to look at Chichi.  
  
"We are Saiyans, aren't you?" Chichi answered raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Yeah.umm.sure I'm a saiyan too.I lost my tail when I."  
  
"Fell from the moon?" Chichi wondered.  
  
"Yeah that's right.the moon.when I fell from the moon." 'I'm starting to sound like a complete idiot.'  
  
"Come Bulma, I'll get you food before the men stop playing." Chichi stated as she grabbed Bulma's arm and dragged her away from the mayhem.  
  
Out Takes: Bulma: "What the hell! My alarm isn't suppose to go of for another thirty minutes.Who changed my alarm clock!" * laughter heard in background *  
  
* Bulma winced when she watched two of the men slam into each other *  
Man one: "Oww.shit I think you broke my nose!"  
Man two: "Sorry man."  
  
* Bulma shook her head in disbelief*  
Bulma: (whispers) Vegeta.the facial mask won't come  
off.what do I do?"  
Vegeta: "Peel it off."  
* Bulma reaches up and tries pulling the mask off *  
Bulma: "It's not coming off!"  
* Vegeta and crew members rush over to Bulma *  
Bulma: "It burns! Oh it burns!"  
Director: "Cut the film! Turn the damn camera off!"  
  
Authors Note:  
  
So what did you think about "Planet of the Saiyans"? The idea hit us to make this when.umm.I don't remember when. And the funny thing is that I [Typo] have never seen "Planet of the Apes" so this isn't based on anything but our own imaginations.  
We know we're going to get a few flames [probably a LOT of flames] but we want to get some positive reviews also. So go ahead and click that button in the left corner.no the left not the right! You're not able to go to the next chapter without reviewing *crosses arms and nods head.* So review and we [Pepe and I] will update. ^_^ 


	2. Chapter 2

Warning: This fiction was created by the twisted minds of Pepe Lepew and Kinky Typo. Both of these writers have been notified as highly insane and their stories have been labeled as "outrageously hilarious" and "highly idiotic."  
  
Beware: Characters in this story are entirely.umm.primitive and must be handled with caution. Nudity, profanities, exposure to stupidity, embarrassing sexual situations, saiyan mating calls and rituals, and a ton more of strange things will occur in this story.  
  
Symptoms of Exposure: Outrageous outburst of uncontrollable laughter; laughter so hard that tearing of the eyes may occur. If these symptoms occur stop reading, take a brake, and then continue where you left off.  
  
Disclaimer: Pepe and Typo hold no ownership of any Dragon Ball Z characters, except for Vegeta who's chained to our doghouse outside our home! ^_^ Just joking, we don't hold any ownership over anything other than the story line and the box we live in! Enjoy!!!  
  
PLANET OF THE SAIYANS  
  
Day One: Part B  
  
Bulma stood inside the cave as the gorilla-Saiyans ran around grabbing their prized possessions then bringing them to her. They would show her flowers, pottery, and even animal skins, which were basically their ONLY possessions. Bulma would just smile a sarcastic smile and comment "yeeeaaaaahh.nice." Then they would beam with joy, proud that she had enjoyed their things. Bulma watched them run to a friend grunting and hooting as if saying, "She liked mine better!"  
  
After the Saiyans showed Bulma all their belongings, they began to bring her bowls and plates of some type of fruit and vegetables. Bulma just set the platters to the side and took just a taste of each; some weren't all that bad.  
  
Bulma laid her head back on the cool cave wall; letting everything around her set in. She lifted her head up when the sound of hooting and yelling erupted through the cave. She watched as the Saiyans started jumping and screaming at the arrival of Vegeta and Nappa pulling a big hollowed out tree trunk, which was filled with dino meat.  
  
Vegeta and Nappa hauled the large platter into the center of the cave next to the large fire. Vegeta hissed at any Saiyan that dared reach for the food. He swatted at a female who tried to grab a dinosaur leg and growled with his teeth bared when she hissed back. The female quickly retreated to the back of the cave in fright.  
  
Chichi came in from outside holding Gohan, who ran by Bulma and sat a couple feet away from her and just stared at her as if Bulma was the only being in the room. Chichi communicated with the group and they all got quiet. She then went to Vegeta and grunted in his ear. He nodded in understanding and handed her a small piece of meat. Chichi nodded her head in thanks before she approached Bulma. "To our guest, our moon goddess."  
  
Bulma thanked her and took a bite. As she chewed it she could feel all the Saiyans' eyes watching her like a hawk. She forcefully swallowed the tough meat. "It's great.taste like chicken," she exclaimed with a forced smile and at that they all began to fall in line for their food, glad that she liked it.  
  
As they approached the feed trough, Vegeta would divide the huge amount into equal portions to all of the tribe members. And as amazingly as it sounds, they were actually all equal proportions.  
  
Bulma sighed and soaked in the sounds of meat tearing, loud chewing, smacking lips, slurps, grunts and a whole lot of other content sounds the Saiyans made as they "peacefully" ate.  
  
Bulma looked out around the open cave and saw all the Saiyans hunched over their food, carefully guarding it from the other tribe members. Some leaned against the wall in their own solitude while others used each other to prop themselves into sitting positions.  
  
After all the food was devoured, a couple strange jugs filled with a weird rootbeer beverage were distributed around to all the grown-ups. Bulma sipped the liquid when it was passed to her. It was a tangy rooty and fruity flavor that clung to your taste buds even after the liquid was gone.  
  
Vegeta sat back against the cave wall, looking content with himself. He smirked, knowing what he was going to do next, belch. But not just belch, but released a HUGE belch. The sound of the blast echoed off the walls, silencing everyone in the cave. All of a sudden the Saiyans erupted with grunts and snorts, oh's and ah's, not to mention howls and yells. Then it all got quiet, but it was short lived as each Saiyan male started to compete against one another in a belching contest, which for Bulma seem to be a burping symphony. Bulma couldn't help but laugh as the highs and lows of the belches rang out in the cave.  
  
Then when everyone was all burped-out, Radditz released the worst, the raunchiest, loudest, most life-destroying fart Bulma had ever experienced in her entire life. Unfortunately for Bulma. Radditz was just an amateur. She had to learn it the hard way that Saiyans were a harsh race, and when she said harsh, she meant harsh. Their gas could knock out an entire army!!  
  
Bulma sat in horrified shock as the cave was filled with the worst kinds of smells one could ever image. And if that wasn't bad enough it got worse. The sounds, oh the sounds. there were wet ones, dry ones, long ones, short ones, and even some that sounded like they put a hole in their loincloths and those were the ones that would give even the bravest warrior nightmares for the rest of their life.  
  
Finally, whether it was the smell, or the horridness of it all, we will never know, but Bulma could stand it no longer. She was about to stand up and leave when she felt a bubble in her throat. The bubble grew and before she could stop it, she had released a belch of such magnitude that the Saiyans' pride had been put into the balance. Bulma quickly covered her mouth and blushed in embarrassment.  
  
Chichi's eyes grew large and she leaned in to whisper into Bulma's ear, "You have just destroyed the Prince's record. You had the loudest and longest belch of them all! Wow!!!"  
  
Vegeta, needing to protect his dignity, took a drink and beat on his chest, trying to muster up the biggest, most powerful belch that the entire planet had ever heard. He began to inhale all the air his lungs could hold and began to create the belch to end all belches.  
  
Bulma, seeing he was preparing to blast her, took a big bite of dino meat. While she was chewing the tough, overcooked meat, Vegeta released his weapon of choice. The most enormous belch that man and Saiyans alike had ever heard. The sound vibrated the walls making pots and bowls rattle on the cave floor. And this was a sturdy stone cave!  
  
Bulma was not about to accept this, " Oh no, you're not beating me!" She began to guzzle down more root-fruit liquid.  
  
For once in her life, Bulma was glad to be a daddy's girl. She felt the bubble form in her throat, then roll up into her mouth. When she opened her mouth, a tiny belch came out, she heard a few grunts and chuckles. 'I'm not done yet.you just wait!' and then she released a colossal belch which enveloped the cave with massive sound. After that, a long silence fell over the overcrowded cave.  
  
Vegeta grunted. His eyes large at the understanding of what she just did. She had just matched him--completely!!! He stood up on two feet; his face was an emotionless mask as he walked towards the 'Woman'.  
  
Bulma wondered silently what the consequences would be for her actions. She had almost outmatched the Saiyan Prince in a burpathon, which was like defying his authority.wasn't it?  
  
Vegeta sat down next to Bulma and started to grunt approving grunts, then he began to roughly pat her on the back. Only what was a little tap for a Saiyan was a massive shove for a human and he made Bulma loose her balance.  
  
Bulma cried out as she was jolted forward. She threw her hands out in front of her to keep from slamming into the ground. Bulma push herself back up into her sitting position with a stunned expression on her face. She shook her head and laughed nervously next to Vegeta.  
  
Chichi leaned over to Bulma's right ear and stated that now would be a good time to get back to her "fallen star" before it got dark, and another contest started up again. Chichi also told Bulma that if she needed a guide, she could take Goku, Chichi's pet name for Kakorot, or of course Vegeta would accompany her.  
  
"Umm. I think I'll be okay. I can remember the way back, but thanks anyway!" Bulma smiled at Chichi as they stood outside the cave entrance. Bulma took a couple steps down the footpath that would lead her back to her space pod when she turned back to Chichi. "Chichi, you might want to hold Vegeta back for me.heh" She pointed at Vegeta who was crouched down on all fours camouflaged with branches from a bush with two mud streaks on his cheeks under his eyes like war paint.  
  
"I think he wishes to go with you. to be your guardian. He'll probably stay outside your fallen star for the night to make sure you're safe. He's a very good warrior, our best!  
  
"Well, I'm not that bad of a fighter either.I was in the missionaries!" Bulma stated proudly. She glanced down at Vegeta who had found another pile of mud and was smearing it all over his face in a war-like fashion. "And besides. I have to take a bath, I smell like a monkey"  
  
"Oh! A bath! Well, then, follow me! We have a bathing area!" Chichi excitedly grabbed Bulma's hand and started to drag her away from the cave down another path to their left.  
  
"But it's getting dark! Even you said that!" Bulma tried to change Chichi's mind, but her attempts were futile. She was dragged down what seemed like a tunnel of vegetation. White lilacs laced the walls and ceiling giving Bulma the feeling she was walking through paradise.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the woodland path, Vegeta looked up from his amazing mud pile and noticed the women were gone. "Eh?" He grunted as he looked around. He started sniffing the air searching for Bulma's scent. Vegeta inhaled the night air and when he caught onto her scent, he quickly dropped down on all fours and bounded after the two women. He soon caught up with them, and noticed Bulma was staring blankly at the small sectioned off part of the lake.  
  
'No way' Bulma thought monotoned as she looked out at all the nude Saiyans splashing and dunking each other in the cool blue water. ' I've got my own nice, private shower in my pod...there's no way I'm going in there naked!' She glanced at Radditz. He smiled at her as a series of bubbles rose to the surface behind him. The Saiyans around him groaned and threw their hands up to their face. They quickly swam away trying to escape the toxic fumes. Radditz just grunted to himself like "what's their problem?"  
  
Bulma's eyes continued to scan the area, taking in the docks that branched out over the rippling water. Torches were everywhere, on the dock, all around the lake, and even on platforms that floated on the water.  
  
Vegeta came bounding past Chichi and Bulma. As he passed the two women, he ripped off his loincloth and threw it over his shoulder. He grunted and yelled as he splashed into the water, catching the other men's attention. The male Saiyans seemed come to life as they realized Vegeta's arrival and began a Saiyan dunking contest.  
  
Bulma was too stunned to blink. She just stood there thinking of what she had just seen. When Vegeta had ripped off his loin cloth, he was left bare bottomed, and Bulma didn't just see his ass, but also saw the whole package. And he was packing A LOT!  
  
Finally she mustered enough nerves to blink her eyes and actually move. She reached up to her head and pulled Vegeta's loincloth off, which unfortunately for Bulma landed on her. "That was disgusting." She slowly mumbled looking at the loincloth she held in between two fingers.  
  
"It is a custom to bathe after dinner." Chichi said as she watched Gohan approach her, ready for his bath. She smiled at him. "Ready Gohan?" she asked as she took off his loincloth. He shook his head up and down. Then a slick look came across his face as he eyed Bulma from head to toe.  
  
Gohan looked up at Bulma smiling as he reached up and violently ripped her bathrobe from her body. Before Bulma had the time to react, the little pervert took off running down the beach leaving Bulma screeching in the most high-pitched voice ever heard to Saiyans ears.  
  
The men all stopped mid-action and looked up at the beach. The Saiyans that were play choking with each other froze with their hands still wrapped around the others throat, as they slowly turned to the direction of the scream.  
  
Vegeta stopped wrestling with Kakorot. His eyes bulged as he took in the beautiful sight in front of him. A slight trickle of blood dripped from his nose but he easily wiped it with the back of his hand. Vegeta then smirked and he sensually licked his lips, lust taking over his mind.  
  
All the female Saiyans had continued their normal routine: washing the clothes, bathing the men and children. Then they noticed that all the men's attention was focused on the bank. Out of curiosity they turned to look, too. When they saw Bulma, each and every one of them (except for Chichi) seethed with jealousy. She was too perfect! It was as if she was an angel sent from the high heavens. She had the perfect form: supple curves, long slender legs, and blue hair that framed her body. Any man would be out of their mind not to want her. She stood with her arms covering her protruding chest and she had jumped behind a short bush to cover her lower half of her sex. Bulma was completely red in the face, whether it was from anger or embarrassment the Saiyans didn't know nor care.  
  
Vegeta came out of the water, nude of course, and picked her up the 'sack- of-potatoes' way. He hollered and hooted to his comrades as he carried a kicking and screaming Bulma into the luke-warm water. The men all came swimming at top speed, trying to catch a sneak-peek of the heaven-sent angel. They encircled the two, but Vegeta began to growl threateningly, showing his fangs at them as he did so. They stopped a yard away from the possessive Vegeta but that was close enough to have a good view of Bulma's rump. Vegeta dropped Bulma in the water after the other Saiyans backed off. As soon as she collided with the waters surface all the Saiyans moved into a tightly packed circle around Vegeta and Bulma.  
  
The men all stood peering over each other's shoulders, trying to see where the blue angel went. When she didn't surface immediately, they began to grunt to each other asking where she was. Vegeta became angry with the others for rushing up to HIS woman like that and was so busy shoving and chewing them out that he didn't notice right away that Bulma was not in the middle of the circle anymore.  
  
Bulma had remembered which way Gohan had ran and when she was dropped, she headed for that direction. As she went down, she had to swim between outstretched legs, getting good views of Saiyan erections in the process.  
  
Gohan had tiptoed up to the edge of the water to see if he could see any of the action on the other side. He then noticed bubbles in the water. He was squatting down to get a closer look when Bulma exploded through the water and grabbed him by the wrist then pulled him under. In his attempt to escape his captor, Gohan let go of his prized bathrobe, giving Bulma the perfect chance to grab it.  
  
Bulma pulled Gohan to the surface and pushed him up on the beach. Then she pulled herself onto the beach and jerked her soaked bathrobe on. "How DARE you, you little menace?!!" She angrily yelled at Gohan. He coughed and sputtered then started whimpering.  
  
"Aww, come on, it's ok, I won't kill you. this time." Bulma joked. She was going to say more but she was cut short by savage cries coming from the other side of the beach. She stared wide-eyed at the stampede of male Saiyans charging straight towards her. She quickly whispered into Gohan's ear to tell them she went back to the cave and shot off toward her pod thinking of its safety. She heard them closing in on her, so she ducked behind a bush and found Gohan there. 'How the hell did he get here?'  
  
"Hey, follow me. I can show you a short-cut!!" He said in his little kiddy voice.  
  
"YOU CAN SPEAK JAPANESE!!!" Bulma hissed through clenched teeth. She quickly hushed up when she heard the sound of pounding feet echo through the forest.  
  
The stampede of nude, yelling, screaming, and pushing male Saiyans ran past their bush followed by Chichi yelling out, "Don't be so modest Bulma!"  
  
Bulma felt Gohan tugging on her bathrobe, he knew better than to pull it off again. She turned and followed Gohan into the forest back to her nice, modest pod.  
  
Out Take 1 of stampede:  
  
The stampede of nude, yelling, screaming, and pushing male Saiyans run past their bush, all except Radditz, who stops in front of the bush. Silence. All of a sudden the bush prop is ripped off the ground and we see Bulma and Gohan sitting. Radditz: "Come here lil' lady." Bulma starts to giggle then breaks out into laughter as Radditz hoists her up over his head and carries out to the rest of the group. Radditz: "Who's up for an orgy?!"  
CUT!!  
  
Out Take 2 of stampede:  
  
The stampede of nude, yelling, screaming, and pushing male Saiyans run past their bush. Bulma peeks out to see Goku stop and jump in the middle of the bush across from them. He rips it up around his waist and takes off running to catch up with the others. It looks like a puffy tutu around him * Laughter sounded from Bulma and crew members in the back ground *  
  
Out Take 3 of stampede:  
  
The stampede of nude, yelling, screaming, and pushing male Saiyans ran past their bush, all except Nappa, who stops in front of the bush with his legs spread out. * Psssssssss * Bulma: "Oh my God!! Stop! Stop it!!! Hey stop we're behind here!! Stop peeing over here!!! Ahhh!!" Nappa: "Oh, I'm so sorry Mrs. Briefs!! I thought it was the other bush!! Sorry!" Gohan: "I've got tinkle on meeee.mommy."  
  
Author's Note:  
So what did you think about the second chapter? Poor, poor Bulma *shakes head sadly.* I feel sorry for her.really I do and it only gets worse. So get ready for another chapter of "Planet of the Saiyans".but only if you review! So review! And Pepe and myself want to thank all the people that left positive reviews! We loooove you ^ . ^ 


	3. Chapter 3

Warning: This fiction was created by the twisted minds of Pepe Lepew and Kinky Typo. Both of these writers have been notified as highly insane and their stories have been labeled as "outrageously hilarious" and "highly idiotic."  
  
Beware: Characters in this story are entirely.umm.primitive and must be handled with caution. Nudity, profanities, exposure to stupidity, embarrassing sexual situations, saiyan mating calls and rituals, and a ton more of strange things will occur in this story.  
  
Symptoms of Exposure: Outrageous outburst of uncontrollable laughter; laughter so hard that tearing of the eyes may occur. If these symptoms occur stop reading, take a brake, and then continue where you left off.  
  
Disclaimer: Pepe and Typo hold no ownership of any Dragon Ball Z characters, except for Vegeta who's chained to our doghouse outside our home! ^_^ Just joking, we don't hold any ownership over anything other than the story line and the box we live in! Enjoy!!!  
  
PLANET OF THE SAIYANS  
  
Bulma finally made it back to her pod that night, and of course, when she got there, Vegeta was happily waiting for her. Bulma rolled her eyes in disgust as she walked past him and into her pod.  
  
Vegeta's smile dropped like a dime. He had misled the horny group of Saiyans and escaped to get to the pod to make sure his angel was untouched and she just walked right past him! Definitely not what he had expected, but oh well. He shrugged his shoulders and sat down on his bed of leaves and ferns he had put together to sleep on.  
  
Bulma, safe from nudity and embarrassment inside her pod, put her pajamas on; a black tank top and red silk pant. She crawled into bed swearing that she'd never come out of her pod again, or at least not until her rescue party arrived.  
  
Day Two:  
  
Bulma awoke with the sound of haunting hooting and hollering drifting through the morning air. She groaned intensively as she pushed herself out of bed and walked over to the nearest window. As the auto-blinds opened, Bulma screamed in pure shock. One of the men that Chichi said weren't worth mentioning had his face smeared up on her window. He had his mouth opened and was blowing on the glass making a disgusting farting sound. His cheeks were bloated with air as he blew; Bulma could see inside his entire mouth.  
  
Bulma slammed the button to close the window. She heard the grunted yell of the man as the blinds surprised him. Bulma with all her fury screamed, "WOULD YOU ALL JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" Then, all of a sudden she could hear slapping and thudding come from the outside of her pod and before she knew it the entire pod started to move, tipping in one direction. Bulma screamed as her pod began to roll over and she was tossed viciously around. She finally grabbed a doorframe to limit her tossing the best she could after about her third time going upside-down.  
  
Outside the pod, the men were all pushing the pod toward the cave. They groaned and grunted as they shoved the spacecraft, but as soon as they picked up a rhythm they hit a slope and the pod started to roll by itself, faster than the men could keep up.  
  
Bulma had lost the doorframe and was tossed so violently that she ended up in the flight room. She could feel the pod was going faster. much faster than it was supposed to. She screamed and screamed until she felt the pod stop. She grabbed her emergency bag and quickly opened the door.  
  
She screamed once more when she fell out of the pod due to gravity and was dangling off the ramp door. Bulma saw that the pod had stopped on the edge of a cliff with two logs lodged in front of it, keeping it from careening over the edge. But she didn't have long as the logs began to slip out from under the pod. Bulma didn't believe "her protector" would have let this happen, so she screamed as high and loud as she could, "VEEGEEEEEEEEEEETTAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". She was starting to slip and she hoped that if Vegeta couldn't save her, some one smart could.Chichi maybe?  
  
The men had gone into fits of mayhem as they watched the scene in front of them. Some ran around in circles yelling and screaming as they watched the pod slowly roll farther forward as the logs gave out. While others were sitting on the ground pulling on their hair with wide eyes.  
  
Vegeta, who had gone out to find his breakfast, was crouched over a huge banana grunting as if singing to it. He lifted his head when he heard a scream. His woman!!! He stuffed the very large banana into his mouth, making his cheeks puff out like a hamster. He started to bound from tree branch to tree branch, eating his breakfast on the way.  
  
When he reached the ground he let out a war cry and ran on all fours. He ran even faster, if it's possible, when Bulma screamed again. As he bounded into the clearing, he gasped when he saw his woman dangling from the door of the pod. His eyes grew wide when she slipped and fell down the canyon.  
  
Bulma was screaming as she plummeted down the canyon. During her fall she managed to grab a protruding root that seemed sturdy enough to hold her weight. She glanced up and saw Vegeta scrambling up to the cliff's edge, ignoring the other men that were still going crazy though some had stopped at the edge too. He looked down at her with worried eyes as he took in the sight of her grasping the root with all her life.  
  
" Someone help me!!! HELP!!!!!!!" She bellowed out with uncontrollable anger.  
  
Goku, who was watching at the edge, jumped back at the anger in her voice. She was m-a-d! Vegeta surveyed the situation and quickly came up with a rescue plan. He jumped down and turned around and backed onto the drop-off. He did a series of jumps and grabbing nooks as he made it down to Bulma in no time.  
  
Bulma was ranting about being crashed landed on a primitive planet and how she was gonna kill her flight coordinator when she got out of here when Vegeta finally reached her. She then started to lecture him about where the hell was he this entire time and what took him so long to get here.  
  
Vegeta fed up with all the ranting and raving, which he didn't understand a word the woman was saying, grabbed Bulma's hand and yanked her up onto his back. He began to work his way back up the cliff's edge, which wasn't all that much harder than going down except the little extra weight, grunting curses at the other tribe members.  
  
Bulma had wrapped her arms around Vegeta's massive neck and gave up on cursing, it seemed to do nothing to help. When she was finally brought up onto the ground, Vegeta had pulled her around to the front of him and was holding her the romantic style.  
  
Bulma was too mad to bother with him though. She scrambled on the ground as the men hooted and grunted with shyness and fear at the angered woman. She stood up slowly, sputtering and spitting. She started calmly, stating her recent proposal through clenched teeth. "If you brain dead MONKEYS would please be so kind as to leave me alone! I would greatly appreciate it. But now, noooo I don't even have a place to go, or stay, to get away from you!!!" But then an idea hit her. She dropped her emergency bag to the ground and started to fumble through it, looking for something of great importance.  
  
Vegeta slowly walked up behind her as she searched through her bag cooing to her as if reassuring that it would be all right. Then he started to stroke her hair telling her it WAS okay. He was so happy that his little angel wasn't injured that nothing could ruin his mood.  
  
Bulma jumped up and started cheering, "Yes! I knew I had some in here!" She turned to Vegeta. She looked into his concerned eyes and then she realized that he had just risked his life for her. She gave him a hug and a soft kiss on his lips then ran off in the direction of the cave.  
  
She left the other men standing in the clearing scratching their heads. Vegeta glanced over at Radditz and started to smile a mischievous smile. Then he started to nod his head and put his hands up to motion boobs. "Ugga's" he smiled as he remembered the hug.  
  
Radditz nodded too. Vegeta smacked Radditz in the back of his head for imagining HIS woman's "ugga's". Then Vegeta bounded after his lil' lady. By the time Vegeta got to the cave, Bulma had already told Chichi what happened and Chichi was standing there tapping her foot at the approaching Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta, sensing he was being accused, started to grunt and snort trying to explain. He was getting all into it when Chichi just said, " Uh-huh. Sure ya did." Vegeta went on to protest with some serious grunts, but finally Bulma stepped in.  
  
"It's okay Chichi, I managed to get my emergency bag before I fell out, it's got capsules in it." She said reassuringly. Chichi started to ask what a capsule was, but Bulma cut her off, knowing the question beforehand. "A capsule is. well, watch." She said.  
  
Bulma pulled out a box and looked in and saw only one capsule that was shaped like a pill yet bigger. On it said "Hawaiian home."  
  
"Better than nothing I guess." She shrugged to herself. She took it out and closed the box. She held the capsule in her open hand for Chichi and Vegeta to see. Then she closed her fist and pushed in the button. They heard some noises as Bulma threw it out to a clear spot beside the path.  
  
Chichi and Vegeta jumped back when the capsule exploded and all they could see for a few seconds was dust. When the dust cleared they saw an odd shaped thing that Chichi assumed people like Bulma lived in. It had a little area attached to the front that wrapped around the "house." The roof looked as if straw had been just thrown on it, but Bulma assured that it was decoration; there was a real roof under it all.  
  
By that time all the male Saiyans had arrived they were grunting and yelling to Chichi trying to explain themselves. Then Goku yelled (uhh!) and they all turned to look at the "new" odd-looking pod. Some reacted as if they thought it WAS the pod, but it had been flattened due to the wreck.  
  
The Saiyans ran up to the house and started beating on it trying to push it too. Vegeta, still upset about their previous escapade, growled at them and they stopped immediately.  
  
Chichi, after listening to what Goku had to say about the pod, walked up to Bulma to explain the men. "Goku said that they were going to bring your fallen star back here so you wouldn't be out there so alone, but it got a little out of hand, heh, just a little."  
  
"It's ok. I guess. I mean, it's not like I could've flown it home. Trust me. if I could, I would've!" She smiled. "The only down side is that I lost my stuff, but my house has everything I need, food, shampoo, and clothes that are my size and everything!"  
  
"Well, I'm glad you've got everything you need. I'm going to go help the ladies with lunch. they need help to gather fruits and things." Chichi said with a smile, glad that Bulma wasn't upset any more.  
  
"Ok. Well, I'm just gonna go and find myself something to do. I need to calm my blood and get away from these guys." Bulma said with a slight laugh. At that, the two women took their leave and Bulma went into her house while Chichi walked into the forest.  
  
The men just stood there, some staring into nothingville, others drooled idiotically. Then, as Bulma leaned against her door, she rolled her eyes as she heard the men give equal grunts and then run at each other, jumping in the air and slam into each other. "Ugh, uh, ah, eh!" She heard them cheer to each other.  
  
Bulma went around her new house, observing all her rooms and "special features". She stopped in the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe mystified by the beautiful sight. A toilet. She was so lost in her daydream that she didn't notice right away that something was missing. the shower.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--[View switches to deep in the jungle, where we see a herd of "natural gorillas" stop their eating and look towards the sound confused] (gasp) -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Bulma shrieked as her heart fell through the floorboards. "What's wrong this stupid house?!" Her voice turned stern and she clenched her teeth. "I KNOW that people in Hawaii use showers!" She sat slumped on the floor for a few minutes. Then she decided to get up and stop gloating on her problems.well main problem--no shower!  
  
She went into her room and put on a bright red bikini with a little sash around the bottom part. She then got her beach equipment together. She packed her stuff in a snazzy bag that matched her bikini. She sighed as she walked out onto the porch and closed her door. Then LOCKED it.  
  
Down at the lake she set everything up. She lay down on her beach towel after she took off her sash and put her headphones on. She was going to wait a few minutes before turning on the CD player to see if she had been followed.  
  
Sure enough, after a few seconds of her tapping her foot like she was listening to music, she heard lustful moans and smacking of lips coming from the bushes behind her. She decided she'd play along.for the sake of science. She stood up and started dancing sexually--holding her CD player in one of her hands-- which only added to the sound effects coming from the bushes. Bulma stopped her teasing dance and took off her headphones. She set her CD player down and all got quiet.  
  
Bulma walked down to the water. Horrid memories of last night came flooding back to her when she looked upon the murky water. She shuddered and shook the thoughts away. She waded into the water adjusting to the temperature. It was cool yet refreshing. She dunked under and came back up swing her long hair behind her. As she was ringing out her long, wavy blue hair, she tried to control her giggles as she heard more sounds come from the bushes.  
  
Bulma was running her hands down her body teasing the peeping toms when she saw a reed pipe that had been cut off, float by her. She could hear heavy breathing coming from it. It stopped in front of her a few feet away. She giggled as she started to rock her hips into yet another little dance.  
  
Bulma could hear grunts and "uhh's" coming from the pipe. She finally stopped dancing and put her finger on top of the pipe. Huge bubbles came to the surface and soon Vegeta followed, gasping for breath.  
  
Vegeta looked at her and smiled his little mischievous grin. Then he moved in closer. One arm snaked around her small waste, pulling her to him. Vegeta looked at her red bikini top with a distant sparkle in his eyes and a smirk on his lips. Bulma yelled as he grabbed her boob and said "ugga's", fondling it as he did it. Vegeta released the mound of flesh and ran onto the beach cheering victory grunts and hollers. The men all came out chanting "Ugga-Ugga-Ugga!" Vegeta was honored by smacks and head butts.  
  
Bulma sighed and walked onto the beach, past the celebrating men. When they saw her they started chanting louder. A few motioned to each other the "Ugga's" sign.  
  
Vegeta was hooting and whooping in the center of the excitement as Bulma got her things together and started back to her house. Just then an idea hit her. She turned and looked at the group of men all bunched up right in front of the water on one of the wooden docks. An evil grin spread across her face as she dropped all her belongings and charged at the men making her own gorilla yells.  
  
Radditz saw Bulma coming at them and tried to yell a warning, but it was too late. Bulma slammed into the group sending them all careening into the water; her included. They yelled and grunted after they surface, splashing around trying to find the one responsible for this mess.  
  
Bulma swam away from the group, resurfacing at the bank and hid behind a bush. She crouched behind the plant and then ripped it up to use as camouflage. Bulma waddled all the way back to the path and grabbed the things she dropped. She saw one Saiyan motion toward the bush, but Vegeta just waved his hand as if saying, "Aww that's just a bush."  
  
Bulma tiptoed back to her house. She disposed of her bush, giggling as she walked up the steps of the porch and into her house. "Well, at least they had a bath before dinner!" she laughed to herself.  
  
Out Takes:  
  
* When she was finally brought up onto the ground, Vegeta had pulled her around to the front and was holding her the romantic style. The men were all cheering and lifting their arms to celebrate the success. Vegeta raised his arms and let out a huge holler. * (While also letting Bulma fall to the ground) * Thud * Vegeta slowly looks down with his arms still raised. Vegeta: "Ahem.you ok?" (Bulma reaches behind boulder and grabs Chichi's frying pan.) Bulma (sarcastically): " Oh, yes dear" * Vegeta starts to running in the other direction just as Bulma takes off after him * Bulma (voice fading with distance): "You dropped me? How do you drop someone you just saved?!!...."  
  
He was so happy that his little angel was ok that nothing could ruin his mood. Radditz's face twisted up as his gas seeped out in a long deep "buuuuurrrrnnnttt" * Vegeta looks up from Bulma's hair and gives Radditz a disgusted look * Vegeta: "You ruined the moment!!! Did you NOT hear the nice romantic music and the narrator's words?!!!"  
  
*Vegeta looked at her and smiled his little mischievous grin. Then he moved in closer. One arm snaked around her small waste, pulling her to him. Vegeta looked at her red bikini top with a distant sparkle in his eyes and a smirk on his lips. Bulma yelled as he grabbed her boob and said "ugga's", fondling it as he did it. He then ripped it off and tackled her into the water* Bulma: "VEGETA!!!" (Bulma blushes as Vegeta nibbles her ear) Vegeta: (says in sexy tone) "Lets have some fun, shale we?" Director: "CUT!!!!!"  
  
Author Notes  
  
Naughty Vegeta . hehe! Poor Bulma.but it seems that she's having more fun with the Saiyan tribe now! Well that's all of this chapter! Well review and tell us what you think. Bye, bye now! *waves hands* ^.^ 


	4. Chapter 4

Warning: This fiction was created by the twisted minds of Pepe Lepew and Kinky Typo. Both of these writers have been notified as highly insane and their stories have been labeled as "outrageously hilarious" and "highly idiotic."  
  
Beware: Characters in this story are entirely.umm.primitive and must be handled with caution. Nudity, profanities, exposure to stupidity, embarrassing sexual situations, saiyan mating calls and rituals, and a ton more of strange things will occur in this story.  
  
Symptoms of Exposure: Outrageous outburst of uncontrollable laughter; laughter so hard that tearing of the eyes may occur. If these symptoms occur stop reading, take a brake, and then continue where you left off.  
  
Disclaimer: Pepe and Typo hold no ownership of any Dragon Ball Z characters, except for Vegeta who's chained to our doghouse outside our home! ^_^ Just joking, we don't hold any ownership over anything other than the story line and the box we live in! Enjoy!!!  
  
PLANET OF THE SAIYANS  
  
Day Three  
  
Bulma groaned when she heard tapping on her front door. She sat up in a sitting position, her novel that was splayed out on her stomach went careening to the floor. She yawned and stretched her arms, then plopped back down onto the sofa. Bulma was about to try to go back to sleep but the light knocking became pounding and it was really starting to piss her off.  
  
"OKAY! I'm coming. . .jeeze!" Bulma yelled out as she swung her legs off the side of the couch and marched over to the front door. She unlocked the door and swung it open not even thinking of who could be on the other side.  
  
"Oh no! Not you!!!" Bulma cried out at the sight of the young boy grinning up at her. "Leave me alone!" She screamed as she tried slamming the door but she was too slow, the little pervert slipped in through just in time. Bulma watched Gohan leisurely pimp walk to the couch and plop down. He then leaned lazily forward towards to coffee table and grabbed the bowl of chips.  
  
"Hey you little punk! Those are mine." Bulma yelled as Gohan began stuffing his mouth full with chips. Bulma ran over to the little thief and snatched the bowl of potato chips from his grasp. She shot him a dirty look before stuffing a handful of the chips into her own mouth.  
  
Gohan stood up, put his little hands on his hips and glared back at her. "You know, you better start being a lot nicer to me if you want my help!" he said to Bulma as he snatched the bowl back from her.  
  
"What?!!" Bulma yelled as she raised an eyebrow at the snotty little kid with a mighty big ego. "I don't need your stinking help! Why would you ever think I'D need YOUR help?!!" Bulma screeched as she snatched the bowl back, continuing the game of practically tug of war. Bulma winced as the chips exploded from their container and flew all over them and the floor.  
  
Bulma slowly brushed the potato droppings off her shoulders and picked them out of her hair. She didn't say a word to the kid in front of her because she knew it wouldn't be pretty, although she did manage to shoot daggers from her eyes at him. Gohan laughed as he watched Bulma drop to the floor and attempt to pick up the chips. Bulma stopped mid-action and looked up at Gohan in thought.  
  
"You pick them up, retard." She said smugly but her smug expression didn't last long when Gohan's statement reoccurred to her. "Wait." She stopped him in his approach to the potato chip covered floor. "What did you mean by me needing your help, or were you just being a smart-ass?" She inquired slyly.  
  
Gohan grinned up at Bulma, his eyebrows twitching with an evil glint. "Hmmm, I dunno. I guess you'll just find out tonight." He smiled coolly and giggled to himself as he started for the door. Bulma moved so fast, Gohan never saw it happen. She was in front of the door before Gohan had even taken a step towards it.  
  
"What-does-that-mean?" Bulma asked with wide eyes. She was leaning against the door and slightly bent over, trying to catch her breath. Her hair was frazzled from her two-second flight. She looked at Gohan once more with hopeful eyes. "Please tell me your joking, or it's just something simple like proper eating habits or whatever." Bulma dropped to her knees and looked at Gohan with pleading eyes.  
  
"I'm surprised mommy didn't tell you already, I mean, it IS tonight." Gohan said thoughtfully to himself yet loud enough for Bulma to hear. He patted Bulma on the head in mock sympathy and tried to peel her off the door.  
  
"WHAT'S tonight??!!" She yelled as her eyes widened to the point of no return. "What the hell is going on,-spit it out Gohan!!"  
  
Gohan sighed and slid down to the floor to look the pathetic, stranded, lost little girl in the eyes. "Hehe! Tonight's the night of the annual mating season, in which, you will take part in because it is a part of the saiyan law. Anyone who inhabits Prince Vegeta's lands is required to attend the ritual. Tonight, the males will court their mate for the next month or if they're not mated yet, they'll choose their mate. . . which will be theirs for the rest of their life."  
  
Bulma stared blankly into nowhere as the visions of the future evening raced through her brain. She didn't even have to hesitate in guessing who Vegeta would pick as his mate. . . What was she to do? Gohan said because her house was next to the cave, she'd be forced to be there for the ritual.  
  
"I know! I'll move out into the woods--just for a few nights, then when this whole ritual is over, and all the mates have been chosen, I'll come back! It's the perfect plan!" Bulma's eyes looked crazed as they darted about the house, filled with her desperate plan of survival.  
  
Gohan shook his head at Bulma's insane state and had a mental war about whether or not he should tell her more. "No Lady Bulma, even if you go out into the woods, you will have had to have lived there for at least two weeks to be considered an inhabitant. . . sorry."  
  
Bulma's entire eye began to twitch slowly as the words Gohan had just said soaked into her brain. Well, more like, they burned into her brain. Basically, in a translation, this is what Gohan said, according to Bulma.  
  
"No escape. . . You'll be forced to be flashed by a dozen or more naked males as they run around in circles fighting over the female they want to screw every night for the next month. Then, most likely the most horny of them all, will choose you, and you'll be his sex slave for the next month and not to mention tied to him for the rest of your miserable, pathetic life."  
  
"No. No. No, this can't be happening." Bulma stared in shock. "Gohan, there's GOT to be a way I can get out of this. I can't do this. PLEASE!"  
  
Gohan looked around as he tried to think of anything that could help her out; she DID seem pretty desperate. "Look, I'm sorry, but as far as I know, there's nothing you can do. You can talk to mommy to see if she knows anything. . .but I doubt there's any options. . ."  
  
Gohan wedged himself between Bulma and the door. He braced himself as he pushed Bulma away from his precious escape route. He was thankful that the shock of all she was just told was still settling in.  
  
Bulma was still frozen in place with a face of horror. She slid across the floor in frozen animation as Gohan huffed and puffed pushing her away from his ONLY escape.  
  
"Get. Your. Mother." Bulma said through gritted teeth as her horror- stricken face faded and was filled with pure, all out rage.  
  
Gohan managed a quick nod before he bounded out the door and away to safety. Oh boy was she mad! He'd have to be careful around her for a while. . . at least until she calmed down. A sly grin spread across his cute face at the thought of tonight's events. He couldn't wait to see her naked again.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello there ^_^! Pepe Lepew and Kinky Typo here! Well there's another chapter of "Planet of the Saiyans" *echoes off wall* ...okay that's umm . . . weird. . .anyway how did you like that chappie? As we said many times before *clears throat* poor, poor, poor Bulma-chan. But what's going to happen next? The annual mating season is coming up and she is still stuck on the weird, saiyan-infested planet. Will she survive? Will she hold on to her last strain of sanity.or will she lose herself and become one of the tribe. . .review please! ^_~  
  
Oh and I [Kinky Typo] want to add an extra thanks to Yugi!!!! *grins* Yugi has reviewed every single chapter to this. . . umm. . . story and has won Pepe's and my heart. We love Yugi!!!! *starts to chant* Yugi, Yugi, Yugi, Yugi!!!!! 


	5. Chapter 5

Warning: This fiction was created by the twisted minds of Pepe Lepew and Kinky Typo. Both of these writers have been notified as highly insane and their stories have been labeled as "outrageously hilarious" and "highly idiotic."  
  
Beware: Characters in this story are entirely.umm.primitive and must be handled with caution. Nudity, profanities, exposure to stupidity, embarrassing sexual situations, saiyan mating calls and rituals, and a ton more of strange things will occur in this story.  
  
Symptoms of Exposure: Outrageous outburst of uncontrollable laughter; laughter so hard that tearing of the eyes may occur. If these symptoms occur stop reading, take a brake, and then continue where you left off.  
  
Disclaimer: Pepe and Typo hold no ownership of any Dragon Ball Z characters, except for Vegeta who's chained to our doghouse outside our home! ^_^ Just joking, we don't hold any ownership over anything other than the story line and the box we live in! Enjoy!!!  
  
PLANET OF THE SAIYANS  
  
Bulma sat silently in the midst of chaos. Saiyan females scurried around her, trying to get ready for the starting events for the ritual. Yet Bulma didn't move from her spot on the cave floor. She stared blankly ahead of her, not the least bit interested in what was going on around her.  
  
Bulma had talked to Chichi shortly after her little time with Gohan, in hope that somehow she could miss the ritual for. . . umm. . .family matters on the moon. . .but Chichi would have none of it. Chichi lectured her on and on about the importance of having a mate and that she WAS going to attend this ritual. Bulma had been scared shitless by Chichi's threats that she quickly agreed to participate in this forward, sexual escapade.  
  
"For the sake of science."Bulma whispered to herself as she watched the unmated women be herded, by the already mated ones, into a large tub of hot water to bathe. She thanked God, not that He was listening, that she had taken a shower ALONE before she came here.  
  
"For the sake of science." Bulma said boldly to herself. Yeah that was right, this was for the sake of science. Bulma smiled lopsidedly at her own prep-talk. Yeah! This whole thing was for scientific data.and besides she hadn't had a good lay in a long, LONG time.  
  
Bulma's insane happiness was short lived when a large shove was given to her from behind. She fell off her stool and onto the dirt floor of the cave. Her eyes shot up to see her assaulter. It was a female saiyan, the same female that Vegeta had growled at for trying to take food two nights before.  
  
The girl's dark, black eyes glared at Bulma as she strutted by. Her long black hair swished in beat with the swaying of her hips. The girl dropped her animal skin robe and climbed into the bathing tub with all the other women who were laughing their asses off at what had happened to Bulma. The girl gave a victory smirk before turning her back to Bulma and conversing with her friends.  
  
Bulma gritted her teeth together. If it hadn't been for Chichi's quick appearance Bulma would of giving the little tramp a piece of her mind-more like fist. Chichi helped Bulma to her feet and ushered Bulma to one of the many tiny curtained off 'dressing rooms' in the cave.  
  
In the tiny room with animal skin curtains was a wooden stool, brushes and combs (made out of bone), and some sort of clothing.  
  
Chichi sat the fuming and hissing Bulma onto the stool. She took Bulma's long blue hair out of its scrunchy and began brushing it in her palm. Bulma just huffed while she crossed her legs and arms, pouting all the while.  
  
"Don't be mad at Mya, she's a little. . . protective towards Prince Vegeta." Chichi said softly in her motherly voice as she continued to comb through Bulma's hair.  
  
"I don't see why she'd be 'protective' over him. I'm not a threat towards him." Bulma grumbled angrily at the thought that SHE'D hurt Vegeta. She hated to admit, but she did have feelings towards the big monkey and she even went as far to say that he was attractive.in an animalistic way.  
  
"She's not really worried that you'd hurt our Prince. She's more worried that he'd choose you as a mate instead of her. For as long as I can remember she's been stalking the poor man." Chichi shook her head sadly as a mental picture of Mya hiding behind a bush watching the un-expecting Vegeta take a leek.  
  
Bulma's eyes began to glitter with a crazed, evil glint. A wicked smirk crossed her porcelain face as a revenge plan began to roll out in her twisted mind. She'd get Vegeta to mate with her and rub it in to that psycho slut's face that he chose HER.  
  
Bulma would of started cackling like a witch at the thought of vengeance but one little thing ruined it. . .she'd be bound to Vegeta for the rest of her life. It was saiyan custom and tradition-which Chichi painfully kept reminding her in their little discussion after her talk with Gohan.  
  
Bulma's shoulders slumped with the thought that she'd be stuck on this god- forsaken planet forever and never see beautiful, Capsule Corp. again. She sighed heavily in depression. She could always beat the shit out of Mya. Her shoulders straightened a little at that thought. But it wouldn't be painful enough. Bulma wanted Mya to know that she *beep* with the wrong person and that hell was to pay.  
  
"Chichi?" Bulma waited for her friend to acknowledge her.  
  
"Yes Bulma?"  
  
"Does Vegeta like Mya? I mean, does he know that she likes him?" Bulma asked childishly, her bare feet scrapping at the floor.  
  
"Prince Vegeta has a big ego.not to mention that he IS Prince and he IS handsome..." Chichi's voice trailed off the subject for a second but she quickly came back to reality, "he believes every female wants him. But it seems to me that he's oblivious to any other woman BUT you." Chichi smiled down at Bulma, her dark brown eyes sparkling.  
  
All of a sudden a loud whistle blew. The sound rang out through the entire cave. Through the curtains, Bulma and Chichi could hear mass chaos of squealing, screeching females.  
  
"Oh, no!" Chichi gasped. "We're late! Quick Bulma, get dressed, FAST!" Chichi cried out in exasperation. "I have to go help the other girls. Dress and then come line up against the wall with all the others, then you'll be put into teams."  
  
"Teams! What the hell is this? A TV show?!" Bulma screamed at Chichi's retreating back before rushing over to the pile of clothes. She lifted the animal skin clothing and fumbled with them for a moment before throwing them down and stomping up and down on them.  
  
"How the hell do you put this on!" She cried as she jumped on the pile of rags. She then froze solid. Why in the world was she getting upset about this? Wasn't she the one who didn't CARE about this stupid ritual thing? She looked at the animal skins under her feet and then a thought came across her. She mentally hugged herself for being a genius.  
  
Bulma peeped her head out of the curtains, her eyes wondering around the chaotic situation that all the un-mated females were going through. Finally her eyes found what she was looking for-Gohan. He sat quietly in the opposite corner with his arms crossed over his chest and a pout on his face.  
  
Bulma called quietly for the little guy but obviously he couldn't hear her over the ruckus that all the other women were making. After a few more tries, Bulma picked up a clump of dirt and chucked it at Gohan. Contact. The boy's angry eyes shot up, but when he noticed it was Bulma his eyes softened and a goofy grin crossed his face. He quickly stood up and ran to her.  
  
"Gohan, I need you to do something for me." Bulma said in a whisper looking down at him. A sly look came to his eyes as he looked up at her. Bulma instantly knew that this favor wouldn't be out of the kindness of his heart. . .she'd have to do something for him. "I want you to go to my house and on the coffee table there is a case labeled capsule clothes. Could you go get it for me?" Bulma continued to ask even though she knew that it wouldn't be a freebie.  
  
"All right. . . Bulma. . ." Gohan voice was as slippery as a snake, "I'll do this for you. . .if you'll do something for me." He grinned coldly, his eyes sparkling with an evil, sadistic glint. "What. . ." Bulma asked warily. She stepped back into the curtained off room when he stepped towards her. His smile grew larger, if it was even possible, as he pointed to her chest. Bulma's cheeks turned red when she finally realized what he wanted.  
  
"Listen here you little pervert! There's no way that I'm going to flash your little ass!!!" Bulma yelled at the grinning boy. Gohan just shrugged, the sly look still on his face as he turned his back to her.  
  
"Fine. . .just forget about your capsules then. . ." Gohan trailed off as he started to open the curtain to leave.  
  
"Wait! If I do this do you swear that you'll go get my case?" Bulma asked sincerely. She watched as Gohan quickly turned back towards her, nodding feverishly. She sighed and mentally kicked herself for what she was about to do, but she NEEDED those clothes so she could win against Mya. God she wished that she'd put on a bra after her bath.  
  
With one great swoosh she pulled her shirt up, exposing herself to the fullest. Gohan's eyes went as wide as dinner plates as he beheld the awe powering sight. He began to teeter on his feet but was ripped out of heaven when Bulma's shirt came back down and her voice boomed as she pointed to the curtain exit, "NOW GO!!!"  
  
Gohan nodded hurriedly and took off at a dead run towards Bulma's capsule house. He nearly knocked three people over in his haste, all the time thinking about how beautiful Bulma was.  
  
AUTHORS NOTES:  
  
The little pervert *shakes fist at Gohan*. . .but you got to give him credit. . .he's a helpful, sneaky little perve. Oh my! O.o What does Bulma have planned? Mwhahahahahahah!!! Find out next time on "Planet of the Saiyans" but first review. Even if you want to flame our [Pepe and I] asses off.go ahead!!! We'll see you next time! Bye ^_^ 


	6. Chapter 6

Warning: This fiction was created by the twisted minds of Pepe Lepew and Kinky Typo. Both of these writers have been notified as highly insane and their stories have been labeled as "outrageously hilarious" and "highly idiotic."  
  
Beware: Characters in this story are entirely. . .umm. . .primitive and must be handled with caution. Nudity, profanities, exposure to stupidity, embarrassing sexual situations, saiyan mating calls and rituals, and a ton more of strange things will occur in this story.  
  
Symptoms of Exposure: Outrageous outburst of uncontrollable laughter; laughter so hard that tearing of the eyes may occur. If these symptoms occur stop reading, take a brake, and then continue where you left off.  
  
Disclaimer: Pepe and Typo hold no ownership of any Dragon Ball Z characters, except for Vegeta who's chained to our doghouse outside our home! ^_^ Just joking, we don't hold any ownership over anything other than the story line and the box we live in! Enjoy!!!  
  
PLANET OF THE SAIYANS  
  
"So preeettyyy. . . " Gohan lay on the floor of the room, gazing up at the ceiling. The stars hanging off the ceiling started spinning as Gohan blinked his eyes trying to focus. He had dashed in a mad rush to Bulma's house to retrieve her clothes capsules, but when he arrived, he was quite distracted. He went to the coffee table, as planned, and he saw the case. Yes, he saw it; he just didn't get it. He instead found a bag of what he thought were more of those things Bulma called chips.  
  
Yes, he ate them all. They were a bit softer than the chips before, okay a LOT softer, but they weren't that bad! Now he lay on the floor as the room spun around him and his stomach felt as if it were being torn apart. He tried his best to sit up and grab the capsule case, Bulma NEEDED it, and she had given him something in return, he couldn't break the deal!  
  
Bulma sat in her 'dressing room' and tapped her foot impatiently. "Where the hell is he?!" she fumed to herself. "I know he's been gone at least ten minutes!" she stood up and began pacing around the room.  
  
"Five minutes!! Everyone! You have five minutes to get out here and in line!!" a female voice hollered out through the cave. Bulma guessed it to be Chichi or another woman who was mated and helping out. Then it hit her that the females were speaking Japanese. "Wow I'm a ditz." She thought.  
  
"I'm gonna kill him when I see him again!! I showed him my BOOBS for Christ's sake!! He better not cheat me!" Bulma looked around her 'room', nothing that was of any use to her . . .  
  
Meanwhile, Gohan had mustered up the strength to grab the case and slump to the door. 'Now, to just get out.' His stomach grumbled and gurgled at the attempted effort. "Come on big guy" Gohan winced as he patted his stomach. He slowly creaked open the door and stepped outside.  
  
The world in front of him spun as he grabbed the banister to help himself focus. After things got a little better, he ventured off onto the first step. Then the next. Soon enough, he was on the mini-sidewalk. He started towards the cave, occasionally grabbing a tree to brace himself.  
  
"Ooooo" Gohan groaned as his stomach pains worsened and the grumbling continued. Then, all of a sudden, his eyes grew large and he felt an all too familiar feeling. He jumped behind the nearest bush and dropped his loincloth as quickly as he could. It was coming! Right then and there, he relieved himself of maybe the worst case of diarrhea he thought any person would ever have to endure.  
  
As if he were being punished enough with diarrhea for his crime of making Bulma flash him to do a favor, more was to come. Just then, a small group of males heading to the ritual passed by his bush, only he didn't know it.  
  
"Oh it burns! Owww!! Gawd, that's a stinky one, ouch!!" Gohan's face scrunched up many times as the horrid sounds and smells continued under him.  
  
The three Saiyans exchanged horrified glances. The sounds and the yells were bad enough at first, but then the smell, ooooh the smell! It was enough to knock out probably even Radditz!! They grunted in horror to each other and took off bounding on all fours towards the ritual grounds, yelling and screaming as they went.  
  
Gohan, finally finished with his 'business,' walked out of the bush. "Wow." He said to himself, shaking his head in amazement. "That's some strong stuff there--man!" he then remembered his deed he had to finish and took off running towards the cave, hoping to not be too late, he had been gone quite a while. His first few steps were a little funny looking, considering that he had a rather funny feeling between his cheeks, but he soon gave up and run with all he had.  
  
"There you are you little fart!! Where were you?! I have two minutes to get ready now!!' Bulma yelled at the little kid who looked rather wasted, but yet he still had the time to check out her boobs again.  
  
She ripped the case out of his hands and snapped it open. She ran her finger through the list as she read them out loud. She couldn't find the outfit she was looking for! When she finally got the end of the box, she found it. "Aha!" She smiled as she snatched the capsule out and closed the box.  
  
"Bulma, what were those purplish black things that were on your coffee table?" Gohan asked as Bulma activated the capsule and pulled out her outfit. She was so short of time that she didn't even care that Gohan was there.  
  
"The purple soft things?" Bulma asked as she pulled a thin mini divider out between them. Gohan smiled as he could see the outline of Bulma's figure through it.  
  
"Yeah." Gohan answered meekly at the thought of what they had done to them.  
  
"Oh those are just prunes, not much of a big deal." Bulma stated haughtily, she was being timed here, she didn't have time to talk about prunes!  
  
"What are prunes?" Gohan asked with a tiny weak voice.  
  
"Oh, just things that are like ex-lax, you should only eat a few at a time unless you wanna have a house cleaning! I only eat them every once in a while. I think they're good, but if you try them ever, not to many!" Bulma laughed as she observed herself in the saiyan-made mirror. She was going to knock them dead!  
  
"Well, I hope you didn't need them very badly because you kind of don't have anymore left." Gohan half smiled before Bulma stepped out from the divider. Only then did his smile turn huge and his eyes grew large.  
  
"Oh, so you like my outfit, eh? Wait . . . what do you mean . . .what happened to my prunes?" Bulma eyed Gohan suspiciously, trying to figure out what he could be hinting. Then it hit her. "Oh my God! You ate the whole bag?! Gohan! Are you feeling ok? Did they clean you out?" Bulma started to laugh hysterically at the thought of Gohan wiping out an entire bag of prunes.  
  
"Well, I'm FINE now! And I don't think it's very funny!" Gohan glared at Bulma for being so inconsiderate.  
  
"Well, I'd love to sit here and mourn over you and your wiped out butt, but . . ." Bulma stopped and posed, "I have a debut to make." And at that, she rushed out the door and hurried into the front of the cave to join the others in line.  
  
When she got there, all the females turned and grunted in awe over Bulma's outfit. All but Mya. She looked Bulma up and down then sneered as she turned her head and flipped her hair.  
  
Chichi was at the mouth of the cave, whispering to another female. When the two finished talking, Chichi stepped up and called for everyone's attention. "Ok ladies! I have the list for the teams, so listen up for who your captain is!"  
  
The first things Chichi called out were the captains. Surprisingly enough, Bulma was Captain of Team 1 and Mya was Captain of Team 2. Bulma smirked at Mya and stepped forward to head her team.  
  
The rest of the members of the teams were called out and the girls were all grouped up into circles. They were trying to get over all their excitement. Then Chichi started laying down the rules.  
  
"Ok ladies! You all are part of your own team and you have one captain for each team. Captains! You get to pick your own coaches and assistants, so pick wisely! They're allowed to accompany you on all of your matches, they are your cheerleaders, so make sure they are worth it!" Chichi finished off her speech with a victorious holler that was echoed by all the females.  
  
After Chichi was done, Bulma snuck over to her. "Chichi, you and Gohan are my coaches, ok?" Bulma waited for Chichi's answer.  
  
"Sure, go get Gohan and we'll start the Ritual Exercises." Chichi stated and called for everyone to follow her over to the 'modeling stage.'  
  
"Gohan, can you walk? Hehehe, or does your butt still hurt? Haha, Well, hurry up and get over to the stage!" Bulma yelled as she took one last look at herself, she was cooking!  
  
Bulma peeked out from the curtain and saw that the arena was almost completely filled-with male Saiyans. She searched around desperately for the one person she wanted to be there the most. There he was! Vegeta was sitting in his own special little 'Prince' chair with his comrades grouped around him at the front of the stage. They hooted and hollered with excitement.  
  
Chichi stepped out onto the stage and announced in saiyan that the Modeling contest was about to start, well, it was starting. The stadium erupted with hoots and yells. Bulma saw Vegeta motioning to a Saiyan beside him the symbol for 'uggas,' as if she was too stupid to figure out what that was!  
  
Gohan ran up and handed Bulma her long black leather coat with a sly wink. Bulma patted him on the head then put on the jacket and tied the sash. "This is gonna' be a killer!" she thought as she watched the boy run to the back of the cave. Chichi announced the male judges as they walked in and sat at the foot of the stage with the Prince.  
  
Music began to play over on the side of the wooden stage. The sound of beating drums and reed pipes made Bulma remember just how primitive these people really were. God how in the hell was she suppose to model with that playing? Eww . . .  
  
"Gohan," Bulma called. Gohan quickly ran past the long line of women to the third place position which was Bulma. He grinned up at her with adoring eyes. Bulma snorted.  
  
"Close your mouth kid, your drooling. Oh, by the way I want you to run to my house again and get the case that's on my bed that says 'music'." Bulma said while pushing Gohan's bottom jaw back up. She noticed the look he was giving her and knew what he was going to ask so she decided to pull out the heavy artillery. She leaned forward towards him, letting her jacket fall slightly open and to reveal some of her cleavage that her leopard bikini couldn't hide. Bulma watched Gohan's eyes go from her face to her chest. She smiled wickedly when she saw his Adam's apple bob up and down.  
  
"Pweezzze could you get it?" Bulma pouted sexually and batted her thick eyelashes. She straightened back up when Gohan gave her feverish nods and bounded off on two feet. Then a thought came to her, Gohan seemed to be the only male that didn't run on four feet. She shrugged her little observation off when the first contestant walked out of the curtain and onto the stage as her name was called.  
  
Gohan could hear the first sounds of the hooting and hollering that would soon erupt even more when Bulma took the stage, he just knew it she'd knock them dead. He was almost to the house, he could even see the porch light. But then this smell, this retched smell of such inhumanity filled his nostrils that he felt like he was going to be sick all over again.  
  
He slowly fished around in the dark to see if he could find where the smell had come from, he wasn't even going to dare to breathe through his nose! Finally, he stopped in front of a bush. He looked up thoughtfully. *Ahem* He looked behind the bush and his face squished up with disgust.  
  
"Who the heck would do something like THAT? That's just, Euuuuee." He said in total disgust of the freak that would do something like that and leave it there!  
  
Gohan straightened and look up, there was the house. And right beside him was a bush with very gross stuff behind it. Gohan looked around at his surroundings and saw that no one was around.  
  
He slowly crossed his arms around his back and scuffed some dirt over the pile, trying to kill the smell a little. He then started leisurely whistling and walked toward the house. His nose caught one last whiff of the putrid smell. "Euuueeeee."  
  
Gohan the Messenger found Bulma's room and grabbed the next capsule on the list. "Gawd! How many of these things does she have?" He thought to himself as he walked to the door and stepped out onto the porch. He then held his breath as he passed the cursed bush and scampered back to the 'festival.'  
  
Authors' Note:  
  
Oooooo . . . Pepe really likes picking on lil' Gohan. The poor kid is going to be scarred for life. It was all Pepe's idea about his escapade with the prunes. It seems now that Bulma and Gohan are getting along quite well; they seem to have an "understanding" for each other. ^_^ We [Pepe and I] are sorry Vegeta's role in this story has been somewhat lacking, but we assure you that he will have more parts later on. Right now we are trying to let you [the readers] get an understanding of what Bulma is going through and the closeness Bulma and Gohan have for each other [friend wise that is]. Now review and tell us what you think so far. We'll catch you later on "Planet of the Saiyans".  
  
IMPORTANT: Also I [Typo] wish to address something that has recently come up. I have gotten a few e-mails from loyal fans [not saying that people that didn't or don't e-mail me aren't loyal] about making a lemon. Well I have nothing against lemons and I specially don't mind writing them but there is a problem. I don't see how I'd be able to actually WRITE the lemon since this is a humorous fic. and because Vegeta is. . . well. . . primitive. I could always just HINT what corresponded between the two [because Trunks WILL be in this story] or just write the lemon. I could write the lemon in a humorous fashion *evil grin* or I can be somewhat serious about the whole thing. Now this is where you, the reader, come into play. I would greatly appreciate your subjections about this dilemma. If you wish for just a hint of sexually intercourse, tell me in a review, or if you want an actual lemon and how you'd like it to be written [i.e. humorous or serious]. Thank you for your time and I'll see ya later on "Planet of the Saiyans." ~* Kinky Typo *~ 


	7. Chapter 7

Warning: This fiction was created by the twisted minds of Pepe Lepew and Kinky Typo. Both of these writers have been notified as highly insane and their stories have been labeled as "outrageously hilarious" and "highly idiotic."  
  
Beware: Characters in this story are entirely. . .umm. . .primitive and must be handled with caution. Nudity, profanities, exposure to stupidity, embarrassing sexual situations, saiyan mating calls and rituals, and a ton more of strange things will occur in this story.  
  
Symptoms of Exposure: Outrageous outburst of uncontrollable laughter; laughter so hard that tearing of the eyes may occur. If these symptoms occur stop reading, take a brake, and then continue where you left off.  
  
Disclaimer: Pepe and Typo hold no ownership of any Dragon Ball Z characters, except for Vegeta who's chained to our doghouse outside our home! ^_^ Just joking, we don't hold any ownership over anything other than the story line and the box we live in! Enjoy!!!  
  
PLANET OF THE SAIYANS  
  
Bulma peeped outside the curtains and watched the first girl strut her stuff on the stage. The woman wasn't that bad. She needed a little work with her turns and maybe a little more pizzazz her hair tosses but still not a bad run. The men hooted and chanted their uh's and ah's as the girl made her way to the end of the deck closer to the crowd. Bulma watched the girl blow a kiss to Vegeta before turning and walking back.  
  
Gohan was trying his best to stay out of the way of all the girls' beauty processes and everything. He was on his way to the front of the room when he passed a line of girls that were laughing hysterically about who knows what. He moved in closer to spy on their conversation.  
  
"Oh my God! I was out in the audience talking to Yohji about the show, and he told me the grossest thing!" The tallest girl was saying as she flipped her hair.  
  
Gohan edged in closer, he wanted to know! There was a rack of clothes behind them, so he snuck in it and listened.  
  
"Yohji said that they were headed back from the forest where they had the prep talk from the mated guys, and right about the time they passed Lady Bulma's house, it happened. They heard these obscene sounds coming out from a bush next to the path. And then, it must have been some poor animal, but these screams started and then the smells! He said that the smell was SO bad it could probably even knock out RADDITZ!!! It was horrible! Yohji said it got so bad that they had to run for their lives! The sounds kept going and the smells just got worse. They were gonna' try and help the poor animal, but they couldn't stand it." The girl finished off with a shake of her head. Gohan looked around hoping that no one else was around. He felt so humiliated! Not only did someone hear him, they thought he was an animal!  
  
The girl continued, "I just hope that wherever that poor little creature is, I hope he's okay. I just feel so sorry for it. . . what ever it was." The girl's comment was followed by nods and 'yea's that the girls expressed in equal sorrow.  
  
"Oh Gawd!" Gohan thought as he slowly tried to walk away. . ."Some one heard! And told! At least they didn't see me." Gohan shook his head in shame as he walked back to the front of the cave.  
  
"Hey kid, what's wrong?" Bulma asked when Gohan reached her with an odd expression plastered on his face. He just shook his head and handed the capsule chase to her.  
  
Bulma regarded him with a wary glance before opening the small tin box. She pulled out a capsule, pressed a button, and dropped it to the floor. Gohan didn't even seem to notice the puff of smoke that came from the capsule's impact or the boom box that appear after the smoke.  
  
Bulma eyed the boy in front of her closely as he stared at the wall behind her. She shrugged her shoulders at his weird behavior before she squatted down and opened the CD player. She smiled brightly when she saw that the CD she wanted was already in the player.  
  
"Hey kid, you know how to work this?" Bulma asked as she glanced up at the obviously troubled boy. She noticed him jump out of his stupor and look down at her squatting form.  
  
"No." Gohan answered meekly. Bulma just sighed and began to teach him how her equipment worked. After she finished explaining what Gohan was to do when it was her turn, she realized a blank expression on his cute little face.  
  
"Gohan, do you need me to explain this over?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then why the blank look?" Bulma asked. She watched Gohan just shake his head sadly. "You know, Gohan," Bulma started out mischievously, "there's talk about a poor animal behind a bush making strange noises." Bulma stated as she blew on her nails.  
  
Gohan's little eyes grew wide with shock at Bulma's words. She knew! She knew it had been him! His shocked look turned into a glare when he saw the smug expression on her face.  
  
"Yeah, the poor ANIMAL." Bulma added enthusiasm to the word 'animal'. "They say that they're going to send a search party to find the poor thing, but they shouldn't bother if you ask me." Bulma grinned up at Gohan. They stared at each other for a moment before Chichi came to announce she was up.  
  
Bulma thanked Chichi and glanced back at Gohan as Chichi went out on stage to broadcast that Bulma was up. The coliseum erupted in hollers and yells from the male Saiyans. Bulma peeked out to see Vegeta glaring at any males close to him cheering for HIS woman. She slightly giggled as the lights were dimmed and she stepped out onto the stage.  
  
Bulma walked to her position on the stage and waited for the lights to come back on. It was at this point that she noticed that their 'spotlights' were actually big torches in front of huge silver rounded plate-like things. Pretty neat for them to think up something like that. Even though it was probably one of the woman's ideas, but never the less!  
  
Then the spotlight hit her and lit up the stage. Bulma stood in her position as she waited for the music to start. The hoots and hollers got louder and she even saw Vegeta sneak in a whistle. She smiled. "Hit it Gohan!"  
  
The music started. It was Moulin Rouge! The opening words rang out and Bulma started it out slow, like the song. She raised her arms up over her head and swayed her hips with her head slightly tilted down. Then the music hit the loud fast beat.  
  
Bulma walked sexily to the end of the model run way. She paused; then she ripped off the leather jacket causing the men to erupt with horniness. She tossed the jacket at Vegeta, trying to make it look accidental. A sly smile spread across his face knowing that it wasn't 'accidental'.  
  
Bulma stood at the foot of the stage, in her barely-there leopard skin bikini. She was still working those hips, moving her body up and down in perfect rhyme with the music. When she felt she worked that part of the stage long enough, she turned and strutted back to the center of the runway, her hips still rocking.  
  
When she reached the center of the stage her crew of back up dancers burst out from behind the animal skin curtains and they all started up in the rhythmic dance.  
  
Several of the men were standing up and bounding around in circles with excitement. Others stood or sat with their jaws dropped as little strings of drool slid out. Vegeta stood looking up at his angel from heaven dancing around on the stage with a look of pure amusement on his face.  
  
Bulma and her crew all crouched down so that they were squatting. They put their hands on their knees and moved their shoulders and heads in motion to the music. They bounced in a couple circles, all in perfect sync with each other. Mya and her team stood side stage, watching in pure hatred as the men went crazy. They all stood with their arms crossed and scowls on their faces. Mya shook her head and turned away to go back to the dressing room.  
  
Gohan watched in amazement. He wanted to be in it!. . . not to mention dance with Bulma. With these thought in his head, he turned to the capsule clothes case and searched for an outfit that would fit him, yet match with the horde of half naked women dancing for the men's pleasure. He found it! It was perfect! He activated the capsule and finally figured out how to put the weird outfit on.  
  
"Yea!"  
  
After Lil' Kim's ditty in the middle of the song, Gohan burst out from behind the curtains wearing a white tuxedo and top hat. He strutted over to Bulma with a bounce in his step while tapping the cane in his hand with every footfall.  
  
Bulma crouched down to him when he reached her side and cradled his face in her hands, holding it close to her porcelain face. "You know when this is over, I'm gonna kill you, right?" She said with a big smile on her face.  
  
"Oh, but I look great, don't I?" Gohan said with a devilish grin. He was then surrounded in a circle by the back up dancers, separating him from Bulma. They all bent over towards him and moved around in erotic ways.  
  
Bulma found a pole over on the side of the stage. 'Heh, eh, eh' she thought to herself as Mya's image was destroyed. She stood by the pole and put her back to pole and swayed around it holding an air microphone to her mouth and lip-synching to the song.  
  
The crowd went even crazier, if it was possible. Gohan tapped his way over to Bulma when his little pack of women separated and they started doing their own little stripper dance with Bulma grinding her hips and tossing her hair.  
  
Chichi, standing on the side of the stage, looked over at the two and gave a disapproving look. But it was for competing purposes, so she could let it go.  
  
The song was almost over, so Bulma moved over to her position. As the last notes and words of the song blasted out, Bulma struck her pose and the others hit theirs around her.  
  
She stood with one leg out showing off their shapely form and one hand on her round hip. She had Gohan's top hat on and had it tilted casting a shadow over most of her face. The others were all around her in their own little poses. Some were on one knee with their hands on their body in provocative places while others were standing back to back. They all had a sassy look on their face, the kind that said, 'We're Bad Ass and we know it'. The spotlight went out. 


	8. Chapter 8

Warning: This fiction was created by the twisted minds of Pepe Lepew and Kinky Typo. Both of these writers have been notified as highly insane and their stories have been labeled as "outrageously hilarious" and "highly idiotic."  
  
Beware: Characters in this story are entirely . . .umm. . .primitive and must be handled with caution. Nudity, profanities, exposure to stupidity, embarrassing sexual situations, saiyan mating calls and rituals, and a ton more of strange things will occur in this story.  
  
Symptoms of Exposure: Outrageous outburst of uncontrollable laughter; laughter so hard that tearing of the eyes may occur. If these symptoms occur stop reading, take a brake, and then continue where you left off.  
  
Disclaimer: Pepe and Typo hold no ownership of any Dragon Ball Z characters, except for Vegeta who's chained to our doghouse outside our home! ^_^ Just joking, we don't hold any ownership over anything other than the story line and the cardboard boxes we live in! Enjoy!!!  
  
PLANET OF THE SAIYANS  
  
Bulma sat quietly in her "dressing room" waiting for the other women to finish their little model run. In all truth she was surprised beyond belief that she even did such a thing! Yet it was sooo worth it when she saw the look on Mya's face as she exited the stage.  
  
"Try to mess with the great Bulma Briefs did she? Ha! That'll teach her!" Bulma said to herself as she began to comb through her long blue tresses, mutter things as she did so.  
  
She was so into her brushing that she didn't hear her intruder until hands came over her eyes making her squeal in surprise.  
  
"Guess who?"  
  
"Gohan!!! Get your chubby perverted hands off my face!" She yelled as she stood up and swirled around. The young boy in front of her only grinned.  
  
"That was some stunt you pulled early," Bulma stated as she picked up some clothes off the floor that she picked out for the next test, "you could have ruined my routine." She didn't sound the least upset, more like stating a fact.  
  
"Yeah, but I was great wasn't I?" Gohan said snidely as he checked himself out in a mirror. He turned this way and that, looking at his backside a little more than a man should. "Does this make my butt look big?"  
  
Bulma rolled her eyes at his last comment and decided not to even bother to acknowledging it. She pulled the dividing curtain between them and replaced her bathing suite with the clothing she was to wear.  
  
"Yeah Gohan, you were great," she said sarcastically. "I bet you felt special being with all those half naked women." Bulma didn't even need to look at him to see the big toothy grin that popped up on his face, she new he was smiling and very confident in himself.  
  
Gohan was so pleased with himself. He had just pulled off one of his biggest schemes yet . . . and it hadn't backfired! That was until . . .  
  
"Yeah . . .I'm sure Prince Vegeta didn't mind you being with me." Bulma said, waving her hand as she did so, as if she was passing it off. "I mean, we're not even mates . . . and I'm SURE that the other guys could give a rat's ass about the OTHER women . . ."  
  
Gohan's cheerful face vaulted. His once tan skin turned deathly pale. "Y—you don't think he was upset, do you?"  
  
"Who?" Bulma asked as if she didn't know already. She turned her back to the curtain and began to shift through things in her vanity, pretending to look for something.  
  
"PRINCE VEGETA!!!" Gohan cried in exasperation and a hint of foreboding fear.  
  
Bulma was about to reply to the boy when the next whistle sounded and once again, a whole stampede of women started. She pulled open the curtain to see a ghostly white boy in front of her staring at nothingness.  
  
"Well. . .I'm off to the next test. Wish me luck!" She bent down and was about to give him a peck on the cheek but she was thrown back in shock when he let out a terrified yell and took off running from her as if she had the bubonic plague.  
  
Bulma sat on the cave floor for a moment, blinking, her mind trying to process what had just happen. Then, once the information was analyzed, she let out an almost insane cackle. "Well . . . That's one pervert down, nine hundred ninety nine to go." And at that she stood, brushed the dust off her rump and went to join the other women outside.  
  
* * *  
  
Vegeta sat broodingly in the stands of the coliseum [which was, in fact, nothing more than a high rise of wooden bleachers surrounding an obstacle course]. How dare those men talk about his woman! He shot another death glare for the hundredth time in five minutes to the men that were huddled away from him. "Uh eh huh MINE!!!!" He yelled at them, telling him that he was claiming her for his own. They scooted farther away, causing them to squish together at the ends of the bleachers, leaving Vegeta to sit by himself in the center.  
  
Vegeta continued to mutter curses at the other males until his attention was brought to the course in front of him. He watched as the women were being brought out to stretch and take a look at the obstacle they would have to overcome. His eyes quickly began to search for his little goddess and he spotted her instantly. His dark eyes lit up when he saw her walk with those curvy hips swaying and those big uggas bou—  
  
"HEY!!" Goku said as he patted his daydreaming prince on the back, bringing Vegeta out of his staring. "Uh ei ah ha he?"  
  
"Hmph" Vegeta snorted to his question. Of course he wasn't hungry!—well maybe hungry for something else. . . a lusty grin spread over his face.  
  
* * *  
  
Bulma jumped in surprised when she heard the "Tarzan call". She heard the other women giggling and saw them blushing at the sound. She began looking wildly for the maker of the noise, curiosity eating at her and then she spotted the speaker . . . damn her curious mind.  
  
Bulma could of died then and there at her embarrassment. There, on the stands, stood a roaring, chest pounding, Saiyan Prince, wearing a loincloth, "cat calling" her from the stands. If she had been a little less embarrassed, she would of ran. But instead, she stood there staring at him frozen in mortification.  
  
"Well," she heard Chichi's urging voice, "call him back."  
  
Bulma's head slowly turned to face the woman, her left eye twitching. "Are you mad?!"  
  
Bulma was about to give Chichi a list of why she SHOULDN'T call back to him when a feminine "Tarzan call" came from the giggling huddled women. She turned to see who had called him back and nearly exploded when she saw that Mia was the caller.  
  
"HOW DARE SHE!"  
  
Chichi covered her mouth to keep from laughing at the enraged Bulma. So, the blue haired woman DID have a sweet spot for the handsome prince. Her laughter quickly faded when Bulma balled up her fist and began to march over to Mya's group. Luckily for Chichi, she was able to grab Bulma before she reached them.  
  
Bulma began to struggle against her captor. "Let me go! I'm gonna' pound her to a pulp!!! Let me at 'em! Let me at 'em!" She commenced in swinging her fist wildly in the air as Chichi dragged her away a few yards.  
  
"Calm down Miss Bulma," Chichi desperately pleaded. Sheesh! What was this girl running on?! One advancement on her man and she goes ballistic!  
  
Bulma slowly started to calm down and relax, taking long deep breaths as she did so. As she tried to explain her lapse of sanity to herself her eyes fell upon her second trial—the rock wall  
  
'I'll show her!' Bulma thought to herself. She knew that the rock wall would be no problem for her because cliff climbing had been her favorite sport when she was younger and had indulged into the sport whenever she could get away from school or work. She was defiantly gonna' kick Mya's butt on this course!  
  
As Bulma surveyed the wall and began to conjure up her path to the top, Chichi turned to Bulma and interrupted her train of thought. "There are some new terms for this round of the competitions that you should probably know about." She said with a bit of nervousness in her voice.  
  
Bulma didn't even glance her way as she continued to let her eyes skim over the wall. " Go on, I'm sure I can handle them." Bulma brushed off any hint of her having a problem. She was invincible when it came to climbing.  
  
"Well, for this round, each contestant must be assisted by a male from the mating pool and well. . ." Chichi paused for a moment and pressed her two pointer fingers together repeatedly "the males pick whom they assist." She quickly blurted out. Chichi glances at Bulma, almost wincing at her possible reaction.  
  
Bulma stared blankly. "Oh . . ." She rolled her eyes knowing who, out of all the males out there, would pick her. That's just what she needed! A drooling, heavy breathing Saiyan on her back when she was trying to show up Mya! Bulma sighed.  
  
"Ok, I can handle this, no problem, heh, yea! I can do this." She gave herself a pep talk through the situation. It wasn't THAT bad, was it? She could handle the Saiyan prince with a boner! No problem . . . right?  
  
Bulma glanced over to Mya giggling amongst her friends over in her little circle. She watched as Mya threw Vegeta a sleazy grin; too bad he was threatening the other males and didn't notice.  
  
Vegeta was holding a younger saiyan in a headlock but released him when Chichi announced to the audience that the males could now come down and pick their 'team mates.'  
  
The stadium exploded with men jumping up in the air and rushing down to get the best of the picks. They were all rushing to be first to pick. Vegeta had no worries though; no one was getting his angel! He would make sure of it.  
  
After everyone had been paired up and singled off, Chichi stood back to admire the 'couples.' They were so odd. Vegeta and Bulma seemed to be the only couple close to normal, despite the constant slapping of the hand whenever Vegeta tried to touch her.  
  
Bulma looked over at Mya and had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing. Mya's teammate was a rather chunky Saiyan that was starting to bald on the top. He had quite the belly on him and just looked gross. Bulma swore she could see flies circling him as he scratched himself and lazily burped out loud. "Euue."  
  
"Ok everyone! Let's get you into your positions! Guys, help your girl's gear up! Then we'll get started!" Chichi called out and everyone broke off to different sections of the wall.  
  
Bulma dragged Vegeta over to the rock wall and started pointing out the different types of gear and how they worked. Vegeta just looked at her and grinned, he was in heaven! He was there, in front of her, and she was talking to him! What more could he ask for?  
  
"And you have to help me put this on, I'm gonna need you to tie some things for me that I can't reach, ok?" Bulma broke his train of thought. "Vegeta? Are you listening? Hellooo?" She dangled the rope harness in front of him to see if he recognized what she was trying to tell him.  
  
"Wooooo!" Vegeta almost squealed and hopped around in a little circle like a dog chasing his tail. This was too much! He didn't think he was going to be able to contain himself, he LOVED this ritual!  
  
Chichi came over and did a little translating to help Vegeta get the specifics on what exactly he had to do. Oh, he got it all right, he understood completely. He waved off Chichi and smirked at Bulma, time to gear up!  
  
"Ok, lets see, what's first?" Bulma turned around and rummaged through the small pile, trying to find the harness piece to go around her waist. "Oh he's gonna love this." Bulma thought to herself.  
  
She turned around to see Vegeta smirking deviously. He was holding up the harness and wiggling his eyebrows at her. He was telling her that he was ready to help her in. . . very ready. "Uh!" He grunted at her, giving the harness a little jolt.  
  
Bulma sighed, "Well, here goes." She let out her breath as she stepped into the harness and Vegeta helped her tie and get everything situated. They did have an issue with the cables, but with a little help, Vegeta was soon freed from his wire prison.  
  
Bulma glanced over at Mya, who was still trying to get ready, her bubble- butted mate tangling the ropes and twisting everything. She was gonna teach that Mya not to mess with her or her stalking Saiyans! "Heh heh." Bulma thought to herself. "This will be fun. . ."  
  
Author's note: Ok, this is Pepe Lepew speaking, and I just have a few comments on a certain flamer who caught my eye. Miss Bulma Chan-first of all, who peed in your cheerios?! O.o I mean, what is your deal? Why are you all over Typo, get off her back! I don't see why you're bashing only on her, we BOTH are writing the story, therefore, when there's no update, it's BOTH our faults, not just hers! And the thing about having me mentioned in her profile, it's a profile about ~Her~ she can put whatever she wants in it! And it's pretty obvious I get credit too, being my name is all over the opening warnings. Sheesh! I just thought I'd let you know, I didn't appreciate your attitude. ^__^  
  
Anyways, to the rest of you! WOO HOO! We did it! Phew, it took some sweat, but with some long-awaited togetherness, we found some inspiration and got some story. . . We might even be close to finishing! Yes, we're pretty proud. ^.^ And we apologize for the long long wait, but it seems the writers block may have paid off! ( Hope you guys like it! We love you!  
  
Typo: As Pepe said "thank you reviewers!" ^________^ I just want to give some extra shout-outs to: trunksvegetafrodo, neikaru, SaiyanGal, neko- mata, Amora-Ryuko, tormented_brandybear, Dark-Sephy, moonsaiyanprincess, Crispy Muffin, strawberrychan, and Yugi, not to mention Pepe!!!!! 


End file.
